Breaking: Hamas Breaches White House Perimeter

President Donald Trump was rushed to an emergency bunker below the East Wing following reports that a member of Hamas breached the White House perimeter.

According to sources, the radical Islamic extremist claimed to have an appointment with the president, provoking a swift response from the Secret Service.

Witnesses reported that Secret Service agents swarmed the Oval Office and tackled the president to the ground, shouting, “Go, go, go! Fry Cook is secure!” before escorting him to the Presidential Emergency Operations Center. As he moved, Trump reportedly threw a defiant fist into the air and cried out, “Fight, fight, fight!”

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