Jesus is Santa Claus for adults – prove me wrong

Perhaps Justin’s finest work, I say, although I thoroughly enjoy his Bible knowledge:

That’s still playing live and you can choose to watch it or not for this discussion.

The parallels are simply stunning; for the purposes of this OP I’ll allow a “historical Jesus” although I’m not convinced:

  • Both start with a historical character (The Historical Jesus and Saint Nicholas, of course)
  • Both have mythology developed after their death (The Ascended Jesus, Santa Claus)
  • Both promise to return (one of them has lived up to their promise every year whilst the other promised to return within a lifetime and hasn’t shown up yet)
  • Both are said to know whether you’ve been naughty or nice
  • Both are used to encourage good behaviour and discourage bad behaviour
  • Both offer gifts of varying kind
  • If you’re bad Santa will bring you coal, but Jesus will turn you into coal over the period of longer than trees take to make coal
  • The Empty Plate [that plenty of people have found] testifies to Santa as does “The Empty Tomb”[that nobody has found] to the risen Jesus

Can you think of a reason to believe in the Ascended Jesus that one can’t find as good a parallel reason (perhaps tongue in cheek) to believe in Santa Claus?