In a triumphant announcement today, former President Joe Biden revealed that his long-stalled presidential library project has finally secured full funding, raising a total of $487.62 through a combination of GoFundMe donations, loose change from Air Force One couch cushions, and a particularly successful yard sale.
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“It’s big league stuff,” Biden declared at the unveiling ceremony, attended by three neighbors, a curious dog, and a reporter from the local HOA newsletter. “This isn’t just some fancy marble mausoleum like those other guys. No, sir. This is a library for the people—where folks can take a book, leave a book, and maybe snag one of my classic aviators if they’re lucky.”
Highlights of the facility include:
- A weatherproof wooden box painted in patriotic red, white, and blue (though the blue has already started peeling).
- A small plaque reading “In Honor of Joseph R. Biden Jr., 46th President and Champion of Malarkey Eradication.”
- Strict operating hours: “Whenever I’m not napping.”