COPENHAGEN (Reuters)
Scientists and Astrologer at the Royal Pagan University of Denmark announced that they have discovered why the days are getting shorter, and all plant-life seems to have died. It appears the Allfather has unleashed a monstrous wolf to eat the sun, and destroy the earth.
Royal Danish High Priest and Augur Ragnar Obstroktisson confirmed the finding. “Yep, God’s thrown in the towel with us. Simply tired of all the joylessness we’re offering up. Science and Religion are united in the finding. The rune bones confirm it!”
However, Augur Obstroktisson, declared that all hope was not truly lost, and the god-fearing people of the world had one chance to turn back this dreadful portent.
“We encourage all families to gather together in the coming nights, sing songs, eat feasts, light candles and fires, and show the Allfather that we appreciate his generosity and warmth. That is the only way to bring back the sun.”
Local Imam Abdul Abdullasson announced that not withstanding everyone else engaging in this celebration at such a dark time, local Muslims would do no such thing, because it did not align with the lunar calendar: and they were unsure that that the usual argumentative atheists could be relied on to serve as killjoys in this circumstance. “You know atheists: always ready to go along with whatever the crowd believes,” he said.
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Question: Will your family engage in celebration to bring back the sun, or are you prepared to let darkness descend upon the earth?
Sir Tainley