Mennonite Man Reluctantly Agrees to Wash His Hands Once in a While to Prevent Coronavirus

GNADENHUNT, MB After being persuaded by his wife, mother and pastor on the dangers of the…

Biden: ‘I Am The Only Candidate Who Can Beat Ronald Reagan’

HOUSTON, TX—Fresh off his afternoon nap, presidential candidate Joe Biden gave a fiery, high-energy speech in…

Man who took 30 years to win one state considered “electable”

SOUTH CAROLINA – Joe Biden is now the presumptive nominee for the Democratic Party and the “man to…

Report: Mansplaining Down But Woman Confusion Up

U.S.—In great news for everyone, studies have shown that a campaign against mansplaining has had great results,…

Biden Wishes Some Country, Any Country, Would Try To Influence Election For Him

WASHINGTON, D.C.—After learning that foreign countries are trying to help other Democratic candidates’ campaigns, Joe Biden…

Nation’s Bernie Supporters Frantically Cobble Together Makeshift Rafts To Paddle To Utopian Cuba

U.S.—After Bernie Sanders praised elements of Cuba’s totalitarian regime, the presidential candidate’s loyal supporters scrambled to…

Robert Jeffress Weeps Bitterly After Denying Trump Three Times

DALLAS, TX—Pastor Robert Jeffress has been an outspoken disciple of Donald Trump, even promising he would…

Democrats Take Gamble That America Is Finally Ready For A Rich, White President

U.S.—Democrats are known for pushing the envelope when it comes to their presidential nominations. They are…

McDonald’s Employee Fired For Asking If Happy Meal Toy Is For Boy Or Girl

BUENA PARK, CA—A “bigoted” McDonald’s drive-thru worker has been fired after asking a customer if her Happy Meal…

Updated Valentine’s Day Cards Now Include Long Form Asking For Consent

U.S.—New, modern Valentine’s Day cards for the woke are including long forms asking for your partner’s…