‘Mr. Biden, Why Are You A Total Loser?’ Asks New White House Reporter Ronald Crump

WASHINGTON, D.C.—At Biden’s first press conference today, most of the questions were thoughtful and pointed, with…

Billions In Damages As Military Allows Women To Park The Tanks

FORT BENNING, GA—Billions of dollars of military equipment were destroyed today after several women were asked…

Young Communist Unsettled To Find Hammer, Sickle Represent Physical Labor

BOULDER, CO—According to sources, local high-school senior and avowed radical communist Kazden McChitterly is “a bit unsettled”…

Dwayne Johnson ‘Guaran-damn-tee’s He Won’t Totally Destroy the CFL

The CFL announced this week that they’re in talks with a former pro wrestler to potentially…

Hasbro Releases Exciting New ‘Fauci Says’ Game

R&I – TxPAT *** U.S.—Hasbro has released an exciting new game called “Fauci Says,” where you…

Compassionate Biden Moves Migrant Children From Cages Into Humane High-Security Metal Containment Cubes

CARRIZO SPRINGS, TX—Biden has finally ended the cruel and long-standing Trump practice of keeping migrant kids…

Hasbro Releases Exciting New ‘Fauci Says’ Game

U.S.—Hasbro has released an exciting new game called “Fauci Says,” where you have to try to…

Revealed: Biden Shows Off His High-Tech Basement Lab Where He Invented The COVID Vaccine

WASHINGTON, D.C.—Biden offered journalists an exciting look at his secret basement lab this week, where he has…

Biden Loses Another Mario Kart Game After Trying To Sniff Peach’s Hair The Whole Time

CAMP DAVID—Joe Biden’s recent Mario Kart game at Camp David was reported breathlessly by excited journalists.…

Americans Call For More Trump Impeachment Trials As Long As It Keeps Congress Occupied

US—Across the nation, millions of Americans have demanded more impeachment trials of former President Donald Trump.…