U.S.—Should you donate to the politician you think will best help the country? Or should you instead put all that money in a big pile and set it on fire? That has been the eternal question, and a new study aims to answer it.
“The better use of your money is setting it on fire, hands down,” said Doctor Howard Ingram, an expert in the fields of both politics and arson. “Every time we set money on fire, we get the benefits of producing light and heat. We never see any such solid benefits from donating to a politician. In fact, it often has a detrimental effect.”
Ingram reported that donating to politicians often simply encourages their sociopathic behavior and leads them to forcefully take more of your money through taxes, which will then be wasted on government programs where, again, just burning the money would have produced more benefit.
There are some negatives to burning money, though, such as smoke inhalation. “You might want to consider getting rid of the money in other ways,” said Ingram, “such as buying a bag of chips. But I really like burning things.”
Some politicians have disputed the findings of the study, but you can’t believe a word out of their lying mouths.