What’s In Congress’ Coronavirus Stimulus Bill

After days of frenzied negotiations, Congress passed a $2 trillion stimulus package to address economic issues…

Jade Helm 2020 canceled over COVID-19 concerns

FORT BRAGG, N.C. — Concerns over the COVID-19 pandemic have derailed Deep State plans to use…

Staples releases limited edition homosexual agendas

Sales have skyrocketed for Staples Business Depot after the release of a limited-edition homosexual agenda. “I…

Congress Excited To Find Out What’s In Stimulus Package They Just Passed

WASHINGTON, DC—Members of Congress told reporters Friday they can’t wait to read through the massive economic stimulus…

Joel Osteen Tests Negative For Christianity

HOUSTON, TX—On a video posted to his Facebook page Thursday, a relieved Joel Osteen announced that…

Toilet Paper Crisis Solved As Government Prints Trillions Of Fresh, Soft Dollar Bills

USA–As part of a sweeping initiative to help unclog the economic constipation caused by the coronavirus…

Trump Threatens to ‘Invoke “P”‘ After Finding Out How Much Ventilators Cost

On Friday, Donald Trump—after weeks of pleas from governors, mayors, and state and local health officials…

The Trump Administration Just Canceled an Order for 80,000 Ventilators to Haggle Over the Price

If there is a woman in your neighborhood who has ventilators, you might as well go…

Tom Brady Awakens From Week-Long Kombucha Bender To Discover He’s A Tampa Bay Buccaneer

TAMPA BAY—Skeptically looking down at the red jersey laying on the floor beside empty bottles of…

Man Just Buying One Of Every Cleaning Product In Case Trump Announces It’s Coronavirus Cure

EVANSTON, WY—Throwing bottles of bleach, ammonia, and Drano into a cart at his local grocery store,…