ANAHEIM, CA—Trump has been taking the coronavirus more and more seriously as it progresses, from shutting down all travel from China to declaring a national emergency and urging everyone to stay home.
But a new investigation has revealed the real reason behind the panic: Trump did it all so he could go to Disneyland and ride all the rides with no lines or crowds.
Trump was also seen going to movie theaters, shopping at Ikea, and riding all the rides at Knott’s Berry Farm, all without any crowds or wait.
Fox News praised the move as “a masterstroke of 4D chess” while CNN immediately called for him to be impeached a second time.