With semi-major stuttering of human activity due to the viral calamity, how can you ignore the benefits?
Clean Skies!!!
Similar to the days following 9/11, the decrease in flying germ tubes, shitting in the atmosphere has revealed the sky is actually blue. Forget being molested by disgruntled fat camp drop-outs! Nobody fondles your laptop, looking for gay porn and who really needs to go to Europe anyway? Their money is weird and they barely speak American.
Cruise Ships!!!
No more geriatric booze cruise, bunker fuel burning, ballast of day laborers begging for scraps. Ever been on one and felt good about yourself? You can’t even smuggle dirt weed.
Gold!!!
Money managers and their Market Monkey counterparts can now feed their families with rocks and paper (or get real jobs like forging Bitcoins or writing unintuitive apps).
Empty Shelves!!!
No more danger of being crushed in the rubble at Costco by falling pallets of Doritos. And my wife can forget her career as a hoarder of mayonnaise (and pillows).
Time with the Family!!!
I didn’t realize our teenage daughter can do more than just text and roll her eyes. She also Googles how wrong I am about white privilege, pay gaps and gender pronouns.
Kravitz!!!
Now I can peep on my neighbor’s goings on without looking like a peeper. And can call Covid Cops when they come over to borrow my precious sugar.
Online Class!!!
I can finally put a face to the little pricks my perfect kids have been complaining about. And hear that their teacher really has that ‘wa wa wa’ sound.
Telecommuting!!!
Now I can miss work without going to work. It is far easier to just get nothing done from bed.
Netflix!!!
120 hours of solid Forensic Files without denture cream commercials speaks for itself. Now if I can only stop that damn red buffer thing chasing its tail.
No hand shaking!!!
If I wanted to touch you I’d have written a poem. And to those countries that kiss each other on the cheek – cock fight!
Goodbye Incognito!!!
Of course I want to government to know exactly what porn I prefer. How else can I be advertised sales on smooth, large wine bottles? C’mon, what are you hiding?
Christopher