Idiot Alchemist Donald Trump Says Sun and Bleach Will Save You

Abandoning the little things like science, medicine, chemistry, and pharmacology, Alchemist in Chief Donald Trump used his daily rant session to leap so far off the deep end that viewers would not have been shocked to see him in a wizard’s robe covered in mystic symbols.

“So supposing we hit the body with a tremendous — whether it’s ultraviolet or just a very powerful light,” Trump said. “And then I said supposing you brought the light inside the body, which you can do either through the skin or some other way and I think you said you’re going to test that too.”