NEW YORK CITY, NY—According to sources, Sammy, a local Beagle, has checked his progressive owner Carl Sphincter into therapy for post-traumatic stress after last night’s fireworks show.
Witnesses say the show featured excessive displays of patriotism, flag-waving, and rockets’ red glare, which caused Sammy’s liberal owner to run and hide under his bed and whimper for several hours.
Al