What is Christmas really about? In an increasingly diverse and secular Britain, the festive period has become a celebration of family for most of us. But that focus on traditional family – the people who are supposed to offer unconditional love, no matter who you are or what you do – is precisely what makes this time of year a source of anxiety and dread for others.
Parents rejecting their LGBTQ+ offspring might sound like a plotline from gritty films of the 1980s and 1990s, not something that happens in 2022, when even Hallmark is releasing its first same-sex Christmas romcom, and we’re more than 50 years on from the decriminalisation of homosexuality. But research from the anti-abuse LGBQT+ charity Galop found that family rejection is still all too common: almost three in 10 LGBTQ+ people had experienced abuse from a family member, rising to more than four in 10 trans and non-binary people. In 60% of cases, they felt their identity was the main or contributing factor.
Christmas acts as a painful reminder for too many queer people that their families have failed to affirm them, or have rejected them altogether. Consider James, in Congleton, who won’t spend Christmas with his biological family, he tells me, “because they don’t support homosexuality – it’s not for religious reasons, they just don’t like the ‘concept’ (in their words)”. He would like to celebrate anyway, but surviving on paltry disability benefits amid a cost of living crisis, he can’t afford to decorate his cold flat, and he expects to eat a 49p pasty on Christmas Day. Solitude awaits at the toxic intersection between homophobia and social inequality.
The expectation that the entire nation will be spending a day celebrating family love is what leaves those without it so miserable. But as Allmark puts it: “It can be a brave step to stop fighting for your family’s love. If they don’t give you the love you deserve, it’s hard to walk away.” And he’s right: but that’s what makes other alternative loving networks so important. Giving up on your birth family is painful, but having one you’ve chosen yourself brings its own kind of joy.
Article URL : https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2022/dec/22/family-christmas-lgbtq-relatives-friends