NEW YORK – Following the collapse of notorious online financial exchange site FTX, the future cellmate of finance mogul Sam Bankman-Fried was sentenced to 25 years stuck in a cell next to a twerpy little loser who will not stop talking about crypto currency.
“Look, I know I’m doing time for armed robbery, but locking me in here with this insufferable nerd has to be cruel and unusual punishment,” insisted William Stoker, 34.
While Stoker is currently serving out a 30 year sentence for a string of violent bank heists, judicial rights observers agree that forcing him to share a 6 by 8 foot cell with an underweight cryptobro who keeps trying to explain the blockchain surely violates the UN’s Universal Declaration of Human Rights.