Multiple D.C. area movie theaters say Republican members of Congress and congressional staffers have begun using empty screenings of “Melania,” a documentary about first lady Melania Trump, as informal meeting places for anonymous sexual encounters.
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“Two guys in red MAGA hats and cross necklaces just going to town on each other is not something we normally deal with, but for the most part, they are polite and clean up after themselves except for a few popcorn buckets with very small holes cut out of the bottom,” said Scott Colby, a theater employee and local college student. “The flirting in the lobby gets real bizarre, like some guy in one of those weird Dan Bongino trench coats kept asking this other guy if he was ready to take Greenland, pretty sure he had to be naked under the trench coat, right?”
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“It’s fascinating to watch such a vast film cult develop in real time. I was there when throwing spoons at “The Room” became a thing, but this is next level. These duplicitous closeted men have even started doing Rocky Horror style callouts, like shouting “Oh my God I’m gonna cum!” during the Michael Jackson sing-along. It may become the most frequented but never-watched movie in cinema history, and Melania Trump may become the first true icon for closeted god-fearing gay men. She’s like their Cher now.”
After realizing the documentary flopped, Donald Trump Jr. has assembled a think tank, mostly his coolest cocaine dealers, to revitalize Moviepass, rebrand it as a hookup app, and monetize on this moment.
