A South African man who invested millions in Donald J. Trump is in a “state of…
Tag: The Borowitz Report
Bondi Fires DOJ Employee After Finding Copy of Constitution on his Desk
Calling it a “serious breach of the Department of Justice’s code of conduct,” on Wednesday Attorney…
Greenland Appoints Special Envoy to Greet Trump Delegation
The government of Greenland has named a special ambassador to greet members of the Trump administration…
DOGE Staffer Attempting to Fire Park Ranger is Mauled by Angry Bear
A staffer from Elon Musk’s Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE) was unable to fire a park…
Palestinians Propose Taking Ownership of Mar-a-Lago
A spokesman for the Palestinian people said on Wednesday that, though they had no intention of…
In Flurry of Executive Orders Trump Accidentally Deports Himself to Panama
Amid the chaos of his first days in office, on Thursday Donald J. Trump accidentally signed…
Worm Warns Senate He Has Eaten 90 Percent of RFK Jr.’s Brain
In what some are calling the most alarming testimony ever heard in the United States Senate,…
Mexico Builds Wall to Keep Out Violent Jan 6 Criminals
The president of Mexico announced on Monday that her country was building a wall along its…
Inauguration Forecast Shows Temperature and IQ in the Twenties
Monday’s Inauguration will see the temperature and IQ dive into the twenties, according to official forecasts.…
Inauguration to be Held Inside Cybertruck
In an eleventh-hour decision on Sunday, the Inauguration of Donald J. Trump has been moved from…
Hegseth Furious That Confirmation Hearing Conflicts with Happy Hour
Calling the situation “an outrageous disgrace,” on Tuesday Pete Hegseth accused Democratic senators of prolonging his…
Fence to Keep Sexual Predator 500 Feet Away From Public
District of Columbia officials confirmed on Tuesday that they are constructing a fence around a federal…