People have been caught impersonating our nation’s heroes for a number of reasons over the years: better seats on flights, a free drink at a bar, or even just a pat on the back. But last night, an imposter with a sweet tooth was seen skulking about the streets of a Denver neighborhood, literally walking door-to-door and soliciting candy from people as a form of payment for the attire he wore.
“Look at this soldier,” remarked one resident, shoveling candy into the phony’s pillow case, “Special Forces! Those bad guys better watch out!”
The young man gleefully took his treats without revealing that this was a trick; he has never served a day in his life. He blissfully continued on in his non-regulation camouflage, emblazoned with a cartoonish logo meant to emulate a Green Beret unit patch.
“What’s SFAS?” the childish fraud was asked, unable to answer even basic questions about his background. “Dad, I’m scared,” he called into the night when pressed for answers.
At press time, alerts were coming in of a group of fake Space Force warriors who insisted that they were just dressed up as astronauts, while ten different individuals calling themselves “Captain America” were spotted in one neighborhood alone.