Feds lure TX National Guard from border with fake hooters and liquor store

Don’t mess with Texas unless you got booze and boobs! The federal government has averted a…

First Sergeant still an asshole after visit from ghosts on Christmas Eve

“Screw you ungrateful shitbirds, everyone!” First Sergeant Thomas “Ebenezer” Scrooge is still a complete asshole despite a Christmas…

Trump: Department of Veterans Affairs will be Department of Losers and Suckers

In a sign of his growing confidence that he will defeat incumbent President Joe Biden in the…

Invoking military heroism, Congressman Santos pleads not guilty

Plans to chair Armed Services Committee, cure cancer War hero, underwear model, motivational speaker and recently-elected…

F*ckin’ boot didn’t even leak any of the good shit about aliens

We don’t wanna say it’s aliens, buuuuuut… Sources said they were disappointed this week after a…

White House staffer changes ‘days without security incident’ sign back to zero

“Guess we’re not getting a pizza party this week.” A White House staffer changed the “days…

Trump blasts FBI ‘overreach’ after agents seize ballistic missile

Former President Donald Trump blasted FBI “overreach” on Friday after hundreds of agents entered his home…

New Memorial Day poll: Americans grateful for good food, cheap stuff

National pool opening day, according to most citizens. What is Memorial Day? Starting with the big…

Top Marine enlisted leader tells grunts in foxhole at least they’re ‘not in the Navy’

Sgt. Maj. of the Marine Corps Troy Black told a platoon of Marines sleeping in a…

Elon Musk offers to buy Russian Army for $100, half-empty bottle of Stoli

Now that’s a steal. Fresh off of his acquisition of Twitter, billionaire tech entrepreneur Elon Musk offered…

Congress launches joint select committee to gut-check virility of US military

Unmasculine activities in the armed forces are out In the wake of Rep. Matt Gaetz’s railing…

Russian warship honors Ukrainian request to go fuck itself

It took a while but it finally happened. A Russian warship told by Ukrainian soldiers to…