President Trump will not be attending the inauguration of President Biden, but a suitable replacement has been found.
The world’s sorest loser since King Herod will have his place at the ceremony taken by a large bag of Cheetos.
“This giant bag of orange, foul-tasting, unhealthy, cheese-scented substance really isn’t to my taste,” grimaced American politician, Simon Williams.
“That’s why I’m so glad he’s going to be replaced by a lovely bag of Cheetos.
“Everybody loves Cheetos. Nobody ever got shot following a tantrum from a bag of Cheetos. Racists have never been empowered by a bag of Cheetos. Nobody has ever been indecently assaulted by a bag of Cheetos – not directly, anyway.
“It makes me wonder if the bag of Cheetos might have been better for the country as a whole.
“You know what, I’m gonna say it: #CHEETO2024”
“Aw shucks,” commented the bag of Cheetos.
“That’s really nice of everyone but I really don’t have ambitions in that area.
“I’m happy just doing what I was put on this earth to do. They don’t call me comfort food for nothing, and if I can bring some kind of comfort by standing in, then that’s what I’m going to do.
“It’s not easy being cheesy, but it’s my job and I’m gonna do it for America.”
