New Matt Gaetz Underage Sex Report Elicits Flurry of Twitter Jokes: ‘More Like Pizza-Gaetz, Amiright?’

Self-described “firebrand” Matt Gaetz’s legal jeopardy may have gotten much worse if a recent report by The Daily Beast turns out to be true, and really, there isn’t a reason to think they are false.

The bombshell report is based on a confession letter written by Gaetz pal Joel Greenberg obtained by The Daily Beast which is alleged to reveal that he and Gaetz had sex with an underage woman, which is also known as “statutory rape.” But that’s not all! According to Signal messages also obtained, Greenberg communicated with convicted felon and Trump ally Roger Stone in what looks and smells like a preemptive effort to purchase a pardon.

Screenshots of private messages between Stone and Greenberg that were obtained by The Daily Beast discuss the possibilities of a pardon message, and both Stone and Greenberg mention how Gaetz’s role in the alleged sex trafficking scheme would help secure a pardon from former President Donald Trump, would ostensibly be eager to help the staunch ally of the former president, avoid getting ensnared in the investigations himself.

A $250,000 payment several times was also discussed several times regarding a pardon. “Today is the day,” Stone reportedly wrote in a Jan. 13, 2021 message. “We will know by the end of the day…I hope you are prepared to wire me $250,000 because I am feeling confident.” Greenberg reportedly replied that he would send Stone “another 50K” if he could get the pardon secured that day. It has not been confirmed if Greenberg actually sent Stone any money.

The report claims that the underage woman at the center of the investigation claimed to have been 19, but when it was learned that she had lied about her age, Greenberg and Gaetz stopped contacting her until after her 18th birthday, because, that’s not weird at all.

Twitter accounts found the whole account worthy of mockery, in a classic schadenfreudtastic way. To wit: