Reluctantly acknowledging a faint stir of pride at the success of their tutelage, the CIA admitted Tuesday to being begrudgingly impressed by how well they trained future Taliban members throughout the 1980s. “Damn, we really have to give ourselves a little bit of a pat on the back for showing these sons of bitches the ropes,” said CIA director William Burns, admitting that the intelligence agency deserved some credit for providing Mujahideen militants with all the tools they needed to rapidly rise through the ranks of the Taliban. “This was a classic ‘teach a man to fish and he’ll fish for life’ situation, and our hard work back then obviously really paid dividends. Of course, these scenes from Afghanistan have been horrifying, but you can’t help but be a little wowed by how these bastards took our idea and just completely ran with it.” Burns added that this situation had made a nice change of pace after dealing with the disappointment of those goddamn Contra pushovers.
