“AAAHHHHHHHHHH!” said Mamby Mcdibbles, (he/him) as he stepped out of his apartment to be greeted by hundreds of red, white, and blue flags. “I don’t feel safe! I DON’T FEEL SAFE!”
Sociologists agree that while the Pride flag is about acceptance, love, and family-friendly drag shows, the American flag is an ominous symbol of oppression. “We urge all allies to stay indoors during this extremely triggering week,” said sociologist and ally Dr. Bork Sortblatt. “You and your comrades should remain huddled in a windowless bathroom and cover yourselves with a blanket while taking extra Xanax until this dark time has passed.”
When reached for comment, America’s conservatives said: “LOL look at them snowflakes run! Y’all git! Yeehaw!”
At publishing time, Biden also hid in his bathroom under a blanket but for reasons unrelated to the American flag.
