Declaring himself the best choice for the class of 2023, Florida Rep. Matt Gaetz (R) officially announced Friday his run for McArthur High School prom king. “No one has spent more time in high schools than I have, and therefore, I believe that I’m the most qualified to lead as prom king at this year’s dance,” said Gaetz, adding that, unlike the other candidates, he was fully committed to staying at the school long-term. “I know a lot of people like Trent because he plays varsity football, but I have not only proven myself loyal to the Mustangs but also to the entire community as your district’s representative. Also, Becca will most likely win prom queen, and I think we’d look really good standing next to each other, so vote for me!” At press time, Gaetz was quickly handing out last-minute “Vote For Matt” stickers as he fled the school after authorities were called.
