Despite being unable to complete a single school assignment, 13-year-old boys somehow have the patience to sit through a four-hour Andrew Tate video. If you catch your son watching right-wing propaganda, here is what you should say.
“The hate speech was so much better in my day.” – Fire up some old Rush Limbaugh cassette tapes to show your son how the new stuff just doesn’t stack up.
“I’m gonna watch you smoke an entire pack of cigarettes.” – It’s typically what you do when you catch your son smoking, but he’ll still get the message.
“You know the rules. No Fox TV until you’ve finished all of your homework.” – Baseless election fraud reports are a privilege, not a right, in this household.
“Oh! Thank God.” – Until now, you thought bad parenting might have produced such a terrible person.
“Your mother would be ashamed of you.” – Only the first of many women he will disappoint.
“I expected more from a husband and father of three.” – It’s always sadder when your brainwashed son has 47 years under his belt and really ought to know better.
“Do you think Catturd is his first or last name?” – It’s good to engage with your child’s interests, even if they’re a dumbass.
“These are natural urges for a boy your age. A lot of young men feel curious about the secret cabal of Satan-worshiping pedophiles plotting against Donald Trump.” – This can be an awkward stage of life for your son. Let him know that he’s not alone, especially when QAnon is looking out for him and the greater good of our country.
“I’m sending you to a DEI concentration camp to deprogram you.” – The simple threat of solitary confinement with a copy of How To Be An Antiracist should have him crumbling before you.
“I have seen a human vagina in person before.” – This automatically makes you more of an alpha than 99% of the people they listen to.
