Signs and Symptoms

Are you ever worried that you don’t really exist? That while there may be belief in you, there may be no you? (Veri, stop salivating!) 

Well, don’t worry. Non-existence is a vanishingly rare condition.

Or maybe it’s really common. I guess it depends on how you think about it. In any case, if you are worried you may be non-existent, check for these common signs and symptoms! We’ll help you figure out whether you are real or not.

Common signs and symptoms of non-existence: 

  1. You get blamed for everything and you get credit for everything, but it’s not clear you had anything to do with any of it.
  2. No living person has actually seen you.
  3. People who claim to know you well say absolutely contradictory things about you.
  4. You are strangely ineffectual at working your will in the world–the big payoff is always sometime in the future.
  5. Believing is seeing, and not the other way around. 
  6. Your actions and your attributes are irreconcilable.
  7. Every culture thinks you look like they do.
  8. People say things like, “I believe; help my unbelief” about you.
  9. You are the ultimate Rorschach test.

If you experience more than four of these symptoms, you may be “suffering” from non-existence. “Suffering” in quotes here, because non-existence is really quite painless. For the non-exister, that is. It may cause bouts of anxiety, depression and aimlessness in others. 


  1. If you don’t exist, will it be necessary to invent you?
  2. If you were to learn that God didn’t exist, would it cause you to experience anxiety, depression, and/or aimlessness?
  3. If in fact you once were a believer, and changed to unbeliever, did you experience anxiety, depression, and/or aimlessness as a result?