Chem trails and time travel likely played a part as well
SCATTERED ACROSS A MOUNTAINSIDE, EAST AZERBAIJAN PROVINCE, IRAN — Following the fatal crash of a helicopter carrying Iranian President Ebrahim Raisi and several other senior Iranian officials, Interior Minister Ahmad Vahidi charged international Jewry with using a new weapon of mass destruction to cause the mishap.
“We were first warned of this cruel weapon by knowledgeable senior members of the American government like Marjorie Taylor Greene, but our intelligence suggested it was not yet deployed,” said Vahidi. “Sadly, our assessment was wrong. Witnesses along the helicopter’s flight path observed a bright flash shooting down from the heavens. Our ground-based radar confirmed that the blast came from the Jewish space laser. That thing’s operational.”
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A U.S. Defense Department spokesman was asked whether the American government had foreknowledge of the Jewish space laser’s deployment, given public statements by Representative Taylor-Greene.
“Of course not,” replied Col Ian Thomson. “Besides, we don’t even give Congresswoman Taylor-Greene actual intelligence during the ‘special’ closed-door briefings she demands. It’s just a mix of Scott Adams tweets and Ancient Aliens episodes.”
Asked about the cause of the helicopter crash, The Elders of the International Jewish Conspiracy claimed ignorance but offered that it might have been a mining disaster. As to the fate of long-time friend of the Jews Ebrahim Raisi, they had only this to say: “Mazel tov, mother fucker.”
