“A profound betrayal of all men and women that put on the uniform.”
Vice Presidential Candidate Tim Walz has been informed that he will face a military court-martial for “veteraning as a Democrat.”
According to the Uniform Code of Military Justice Sub-Chapter 10, Section 947, Article 147, “no former military service member, in any capacity, shall be considered honorable if the service member later runs as a Democrat in any election.”
“I don’t care if you served for four years, 20 years, or 40 years,” said Army spokesperson Maj. Yolanda Pierson, “Once you run as a Democrat, it’s a profound betrayal of all men and women that put on the uniform.”
A records review showed that Governor Walz did indeed choose to run for election as a Democrat and, in fact, has been doing so brazenly for years.
“It’s stolen valor is what it is,” said Ohio Senator and rival Vice Presidential Candidate J.D. Vance. “This guy showed up to drill for 24 years while being a Democrat, and it frankly makes me sick to my stomach,” he continued as he polished his Nikon camera.
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“UCMJ provides veterans the option to start a coffee company, a podcast, or a nouveau white supremacist movement. What you won’t find in there is trying to represent people in politics as a Democrat,” Capt. Servesack said.
“We will be seeking the death penalty in this case,” she added.
The development rocked the political world after current Vice President Kamala Harris chose Governor Walz to serve as her running mate last week.
“We’re not sure how our opposition research missed this,” a Harris campaign spokesperson said.
“Seth Moulton, Jason Crow, Pete Buttigieg, and countless others have been caught having previously served their country,” scoffed Senator Vance. “How do they think they can keep getting away with stuff like this?”
