Defense secretary insists meeting is secure because it’s on Google Calendar as “Private”
Shockwaves have rippled across Washington in recent days following surprise orders from Secretary of Defense (and also War and also Pew Pew) Pete Hegseth that the entirety of U.S. military leadership would muster aboard Marine Corps Base Quantico on Tuesday.
“This gathering is of the highest secrecy and importance to our national security,” said Hegseth, “which is why I have ordered every general- or flag-grade officer assemble at a highly secure location on Tuesday, September 30, at 12:00 pm Eastern Standard Time, 10 digit grid 0033566203 on your Quantico 1:50,0000 special if you’ve got one. All hands, no excuses. And remember: stay clean on OPSEC.”
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Hegseth texted to a Signal group chat he had recently created for hundreds of flag officers. “Hang on, let me tweet out pins on Apple Maps and Waze…cool, done. Second, there’s no base more secure than Quantico. It’s bounded by an uncontrolled highway to the west, an uncontrolled river to the east, uncontrolled airspace until you’re like a mile out, and has a commercial rail line right through the middle. There’s no way a threat could get on base unless it comes by air, land, or sea.”
