The Hormel Corporation has announced today it will be awarding its coveted Hormel Peace Prize to President Donald Trump.
“The Hormel Committee is thrilled to announce that we are awarding President Donald Trump with the Hormel Peace Prize for his dedication to ham-based diplomacy and contributions to the peaceful advancement of processed foods worldwide,” said Hormel Prize Committee Chairman Bob Lawson, presenting the President with a golden Spam medal. “Today, we honor a great man who single-handedly ended a decades-long conflict between Somalia and New Zealand with a can of Dinty Moore Beef Stew and a pen knife. Only a true visionary like the President would be cunning enough to broker peace in the Middle East over a honey-baked ham feast. Without the President’s dedication and commitment to spreading Spamocracy to undeveloped nations, the world surely would have descended into a woke vegan hellhole decades ago. His dedication to peace is as real* as our ingredients.”
Upon hearing the news, President Trump hung up on Ukrainian President Zelenskyy and quickly called an emergency press conference to accept the award.
