Local Gun Store Makes Record Profits With “Back to School” Sale

GARLAND, Texas — Garland Guns and Ammo reported they are on track for their most profitable…

Desperate Catholic Church Willing to Accept Dream Theater Fandom in Place of Vow of Celibacy

The Catholic Church announced a new effort in which it will attempt to grow its ever-dwindling…

Is It Just Me or Is Satanic Mass Just as Boring as Catholic Mass?

I was in need of some faith, but I’m also not some dork who pretends their…

American Police Donate Water, Tear Gas to Russian Law Enforcement Pummeling Protesters

Police precincts across the country are joining forces to send supplies of water, body armor, and…

For the Anniversary of Roe v. Wade, We Ranked Our Top 5 Favorite Abortions

January 22nd marks the 49th anniversary of the Roe v. Wade, the Supreme Court decision that…

At Least My Uncle Died Doing What He Loved: Listening to Joe Rogan’s Vaccine Advice

Covid has killed over 700 thousand Americans since the beginning of 2020. Unfortunately, my beloved uncle…

Tucker Carlson Cites “Nazi Punks F*ck Off” as Early Example of Cancel Culture

Fox News host Tucker Carlson used the 1981 Dead Kennedys song “Nazi Punks Fuck Off” as…

7 Patriotic Signs and Symptoms You Have the Freedom Flu

So you’re feeling a bit under the weather after a recent motorcycle rally. Should you take…

Punk Jehovah’s Witness Wants To Know If You Have A Minute To Talk Shit About Jesus

Local punk and Jehovah’s Witness Mike “Pitstain” Dawson took it upon himself to counterbalance the Jehovah’s…

Opinion: Forcing Me To Wear a Mask To Receive Candy Is Communism

There is a specter haunting Halloween — the specter of communism. My name is Toby Masterson.…