Opinion: The 1st Amendment Should Count Extra if You’re Drunk and Uninformed

I may not know much, and probably even less so now after that eleventh Jager bomb,…

Man Hoping Truck Flag Size Properly Represents His Level of Racism

Local patriot Rick Staler is concerned that the size of the flags mounted in the bed…

2021 Calendar Shows Christmas Only 183 Mass Shootings Away

2021 calendars across the country report that Christmas is only 183 mass shootings away, sources who…

How Many Unarmed People Do I Have To Kill To Get Some Paid Time Off?

I’ve been with the department for eight years now, and every request I’ve put in for…

Man Becomes Anti-Vaxxer in Order to Avoid Having to Attend Social Gatherings Again

Local man and self-described introvert Blake Crowley became an adamant anti-vaccine activist in a desperate attempt…

Marjorie Taylor Greene Breaks Fundraising Record After Posting Video of Herself Eating Medical Waste and Shitting on Photo of the Clintons

Far-right conspiracy theorist and representative for Georgia’s 14th congressional district, Marjorie Taylor Greene, exceeded previous fundraising…

Chauvin Upset He Isn’t Able to Properly Celebrate Hitler’s Birthday Thanks to Guilty Verdict

Former police officer and now-convicted murderer, Derek Chauvin, is reportedly upset that the most sacred day…

5 Things To Claim 4/20 Day Celebrates Besides Weed Because You Are Just Mommy’s Clever F*cking Boy, Aren’t You?

Well it’s 4/20 again, and all the rubes are getting stoned out of their gourds talking…

New “Fox and Friends” Reboot to be Shot Entirely from Front Seat of Ford F-150

Producers of “Fox & Friends” announced today that they will move the popular news show from…

Frustrated Farmer Tired of People Mistaking His Bags of Shit for Ted Cruz

Chicken farmer Todd Lowe admitted today that he’s fed up with the stream of people who…