‘Well, Why Did I Get Vaccinated Then?’ Screams Burning Woman After Realizing She Can Still Catch Fire

YAKIMA, WA—Indignant over her continued ability to burn, visibly angry local woman Maria Williams, who is…

Undecided Voter Looking Forward To Learning More About Donald Trump During Campaign

RALEIGH, NC—Acknowledging his blind spots in regard to the upcoming presidential election, local undecided voter Kenneth…

‘New York Times’ Offers To Disclose Whistleblower Identity To Readers Who Subscribe In Next 24 Hours

Approved~~MJM NEW YORK—Promising customers unlimited access and the most up-to-date information on anonymous sources, The New York…