Carrying out a mission fraught with danger, a woman named Ketanji Brown Jackson has bravely infiltrated…
Tag: The Borowitz Report
Boebert Warns That Cancelling Student Debt Could Lead to Rampant Education
Representative Lauren Boebert blasted President Biden’s student-loan-forgiveness program, claiming that it would lead to “rampant education.”…
Melania Wishes She Could Get Divorced Just by Thinking About It
In a candid interview guaranteed to make headlines, Melania Trump revealed that she wished she could…
Nation Stunned to Learn Trump May Have Committed Fraud
In an event that some commentators are calling the day the nation lost its innocence, millions…
Trump Demands Special Master Be Fired and Replaced with Extra-Special Master
Infuriated by Judge Raymond Dearie’s requests for information in the Mar-a-Lago documents case, Donald J. Trump…
F.B.I. Believes MyPillow Guy Committed Crimes Beyond Selling Shitty Pillows
The Federal Bureau of Investigation has seized the cell phone of Mike Lindell, better known as…
Benedict Arnold Wishes He Had Had Special Master
In a rare public statement, the late Benedict Arnold said that he would never have been…
Lauren Boebert Claims Nineteenth Amendment Does Not Exist Because God Gave Moses Only Ten Amendments
As critics questioned whether she knew what the Nineteenth Amendment is, Rep. Lauren Boebert stated that…
Nation’s Armed Insurrectionists Say Biden’s Speech Hurt Their Feelings
Calling President Biden’s recent prime-time address “deeply offensive and upsetting,” a group representing the nation’s armed…
Lindsey Graham Warns That Biden’s Pro-Democracy Rhetoric Could Lead to Voting in the Streets
Blasting Joe Biden’s plan to give a prime-time speech on Thursday, Sen. Lindsey Graham warned that…