A spokesman for the Palestinian people said on Wednesday that, though they had no intention of…
Tag: The Borowitz Report
In Flurry of Executive Orders Trump Accidentally Deports Himself to Panama
Amid the chaos of his first days in office, on Thursday Donald J. Trump accidentally signed…
Worm Warns Senate He Has Eaten 90 Percent of RFK Jr.’s Brain
In what some are calling the most alarming testimony ever heard in the United States Senate,…
Mexico Builds Wall to Keep Out Violent Jan 6 Criminals
The president of Mexico announced on Monday that her country was building a wall along its…
Inauguration Forecast Shows Temperature and IQ in the Twenties
Monday’s Inauguration will see the temperature and IQ dive into the twenties, according to official forecasts.…
Inauguration to be Held Inside Cybertruck
In an eleventh-hour decision on Sunday, the Inauguration of Donald J. Trump has been moved from…
Hegseth Furious That Confirmation Hearing Conflicts with Happy Hour
Calling the situation “an outrageous disgrace,” on Tuesday Pete Hegseth accused Democratic senators of prolonging his…
Fence to Keep Sexual Predator 500 Feet Away From Public
District of Columbia officials confirmed on Tuesday that they are constructing a fence around a federal…
Jimmy Carter Says Best Part of Heaven is He Will Never See Trump
In a wide-ranging interview on Thursday, former President Jimmy Carter said that the best part of…
Democracy Dies in Bezos
Ann Telnaes, Pulitzer-winning cartoonist for the Washington Post since 2008, quit the paper this week after…
Jimmy Carter Deserved Better. So Do We.
As we remember Jimmy Carter, let’s also take a moment to remember what a ginormous dick…
Musk Says Working for Him is Job no American Would Want
Defending the H-1B visa program, Elon Musk said on Monday that working for him “is a…