THE HEAVENS—Expressing confusion as to the origin of the primitive celestial messengers, God, Our Heavenly Father and the Creator of the Universe, came across a tribe of sky-worshipping angels Tuesday in a region of Heaven previously believed to be uninhabited. “Thus far, they’ve been unreceptive to My word—when I sent John to act as My missionary, they wounded him with a crude obsidian spear,” said the Lord, admitting He still has “a lot to learn” about the tribe. “They speak a completely different dialect of Enochian, so it’s been difficult to explain the New Testament to them. They harvest some form of manna for nourishment and praise the sky for providing their bounty. Just goes to show that I don’t know everything.” At press time, God announced plans to completely wipe out the tribe if they do not convert to Christianity.
What a fascinating discovery. Just when you thought that the Christian God’s omniscience made him… well, I guess omniscient. Do you think there are any more undiscovered areas of his “Kingdom in Heaven” that He hasn’t discovered yet?
Do you think the large swaths of humanity on Earth that are not Christians will be wiped out again (allegedly) if they don’t convert to one of the 10,000 sects of Christians?
My guess is that the likelihood of this happening are about as high as the previous fictional Christian God temper tantrums… that somehow still managed not to convince a 100% of humanity to convert or to give up their “sin”.