Seething over the fact he was no longer in the Oval Office as pandemic casualties reached a new milestone, former President Trump expressed worry Monday that President Biden would take credit for the 500,000 Covid deaths the Trump administration had made possible. “No other president could have pushed death rates that high, and now that bastard is swooping in at the end of this pandemic and stealing my thunder,” said Trump, claiming that without his strategy of discouraging mask use and pretending the virus would go away on its own, the nation would never have been able to make it to a quarter million deaths, let alone a half million. “It wasn’t Biden who spent months refusing to attend the coronavirus task force meetings. That was all me. Case numbers, hospitalizations, deaths—they’ve all been plummeting since I left office. Clearly, the new guy doesn’t have what it takes, and yet all the crooked news media wants to talk about is Joe Biden. Unbelievable.” At press time, Trump was brimming with pride after hearing a presidential historian on television suggest the plague would be remembered years from now as “Trump’s pandemic.”
