Biden Warns Russia That If They Invade Ukraine, America Will Evacuate Haphazardly And Leave $86 Billion In Weapons Behind

WASHINGTON, D.C.—As Russia appears poised to invade Ukraine, Biden today issued a forceful statement warning Putin that if he does, America will evacuate haphazardly and leave $86 billion in weapons behind.

“Listen, folks…for real this time…no joke… I ain’t kiddin’ around here,” said Biden to a gelatinous puddle of quivering goo on the ground he mistook for the press. “If Russia invades Ukraine, we will send a bunch of troops. And then we will immediately pull those troops out and leave all our state-of-the-art weapons behind. I’m not even messing around, Jack!” 


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