Politicians Explain Why They Know More About Abortions Than Doctors

Many politicians seem to believe they know enough about medicine to determine whether certain procedures are medically necessary or not. The Onion asked elected officials why they understand abortion better than doctors, and this is what they said.

“I’ve threatened to sue enough doctors to basically be one now.” ~ Ken Paxton, Attorney General Of Texas

“I’ve dropped enough teenagers off at Planned Parenthood to know the deal.” ~ Rep. Matt Gaetz (R-FL)

“A lot of people don’t know this, but I was actually once aborted myself.” ~ Sen. Bill Cassidy (R-LA)

“I tried to abort Eric three times. It didn’t take, but I picked up a few things.” ~ Donald Trump, Former President

“If doctors are so smart, then why can’t they cure my ED?” ~ Sen. Tom Cotton (R-AR)

“You don’t have to go to medical school to dissect corpses in your basement for fun.” ~ Greg Abbott, Governor Of Texas

“Doctors don’t realize the importance of keeping people poor and desperate.” ~ Sen. Lindsey Graham (R-SC)

“Trust me, doctors don’t know jack.” ~ Sen. Rand Paul (R-KY)

“I graduated from Harvard Medical School at the top of my class.” ~ George Santos, Former U.S. Representative

“Most women spontaneously miscarry when they come within five feet of me.” ~ Sen. Ted Cruz (R-TX)

“I let the Bible guide me on this issue, and there are no doctors in the Bible.” ~ Rep. Mike Johnson (R-LA)