Following a second failed attempt to assassinate Donald Trump, Middle Eastern militia’s and political leaders are breathing slightly easier, as it seems no one in the US can land a shot.
“We grew up hearing stories about how America has more guns than people and they’re always shooting each other in the movies but now we can see that Americans with guns aren’t a threat at all” said Iranian General Aziz Nasirzadeh sipping coffee in a public cafe.
“America used to be able to take down a leader easily, whether their own or a foreign one, but it would appear standards have slipped a little.”
“Even your secret service agents shot four times and could not hit someone trying to assassinate the President! A single civilian with an old rifle, we can understand but your highly trained agents couldn’t hit a large shrub in the middle of a golf course? Maybe we don’t need to give America our oil after all.”
The incident regarding the former president has caused many enigmatic nations leaders to step into the limelight with Kim Jong Un announcing a tour of the USA later this year.
“Mr Putin and Mr Bashar Al- Assad of Syria will be joining me” he said in an unprecedented press conference, “We have all always wanted to see the US for ourselves and it seems we are safe there, from playing golf, to holding rallies in the middle of cities!”
“As long as we avoid the schools we’ll be okay.”
*The Chaser does not condone political violence of any kind, including these attempts and the violence Trump will employ if he wins.
