An ominous pulsating dark orb with unknown powers is set to replace Kevin McCarthy as the…
Tag: The Hard Times
DeSantis claims 115mph hour winds are God’s way of removing wokeness from Florida
Florida Governor, and floundering Republican presidential candidate, Ron DeSantis assured residents the powerful winds from Hurricane…
Marjorie Taylor Greene Threatens to Impeach Server at Applebee’s If Loaded Fajita Doesn’t Come Out Soon
Irate Congresswoman Marjorie Taylor Greene began drafting articles of impeachment against staff at the Applebee’s restaurant…
Supreme Court Puts Venmo QR Code on Bench to Streamline Bribery Process
The Supreme Court overhauled their bribery process and made it more efficient by installing plaques with…
Clarence Thomas Recommends Students Just Get Wealthy GOP Donors to Pay Off Their Debt
Following the Supreme Court’s 6-3 decision to strike down President Biden’s debt relief program, Justice Clarence…
Conservative Man Boycotting Chick-fil-A and Bud Light Now Technically Fasting
Local man Eric Case realized he’s technically fasting after being forced to boycott his favorite brands…
Tucker Carlson Looking For Deal With Network That Will Allow Him to Recite The 14 Words On Air
Ousted Fox News personality Tucker Carlson is looking for a new gig which would allow more…
Politician Working Hard to Keep Child Porn off the Streets by Putting It All on His Computer
Rep. Bradley Church (R-AL) vowed to shield the public from illegal child pornography by collecting it…
George Santos Empathizes With Shooting Victims As Someone Who Died in Columbine
New York Republican representative George Santos reportedly empathized with the families of the victims of the…
Desperate Kevin McCarthy Agrees to Two Over-the-Pants Handjobs in Exchange for House Speaker Votes in His Favor
Embattled Rep. Kevin McCarthy offered Republican colleagues two over-the-pants handjobs, redeemable at any time within his…
Dad Interrupts Viewing of “It’s a Wonderful Life” To Remind Everyone That Hunter Biden’s Laptop the Single Greatest Threat to Democracy
Local dad Walter Morris reportedly interrupted his family’s annual viewing of “It’s a Wonderful Life” to…
Opinion: The Crimes of the Jan. 6th Protestors Are Pretty Small Compared to the Stuff I Made up About Antifa
Which of these is the bigger crime: Literally just walking into a building, or murdering babies…