Nation relieved to know US fixed and everything going back to normal now
AMERICA — Across the country, individuals are reporting tremendous relief that after the election of President Donald Trump in 2016 and his subsequent years in office, things are finally going to return to the way they were now that the Speaker of the House has announced a formal impeachment Inquiry.
People have expressed relief in knowing that not only will the impeachment effort undoubtedly persuade voters that Trump is unfit to be President, but more importantly, show them once and for all that his, words, actions, and attitudes are completely unacceptable in any modern society.
“It’s about time we put Trump behind us,” Lisa Harlan of Clanton, Missouri told reporters. “Once his [most recent] crimes come to light, I’m sure we won’t have to worry about any repeats of his response to Charlottesville, bragging bout sexual assault, collusion with Russia to steal the election, border crisis, concentration camps, wholly unnecessary trade war, hiding his tax returns, obstruction of justice in the Mueller investigation, threatening to jail his political opponents, attacks on the free press, total dismissal of the Jamal Khasoggi murder.”
“Oooh!” Harlan added. “some other things we can look forward to saying goodbye to once he’s out of office, getting foreign countries to funnel him money to stay in his stupid hotels, putting family members in charge of projects for which they are completely unqualified, hiding the USS McCain. Oh, and the whole birther thing! That’s going to be totally done.”
Americans report looking forward to returning to a time when their fellow countrymen were more decent and willing to adhere to social and moral norms.
“Now that senators have decided to look into this one specific instance of wrongdoing, I know everything’s basically going to go back to summer of 2016 when we were all laughing at Jeb and super mad at Hillary about something or other.”
“Goldman Sachs, I wanna say?”