U.S.—After Trump tweeted about a civil war, the nation’s Civil War reenactors excitedly began mobilizing, reporting that they have been waiting for this exact moment their entire lives.
“I knew this day would come,” said Jed Jenkins, who reenacts the Battle of Gettysburg every year. “When Trump tweeted about civil war, I donned my rebel gray uniform and answered the call.”
The nation has long wondered why Civil War reenactors did what they did, thinking it was “cool but kinda weird” that they get all dressed up in historically accurate uniforms and pretend to shoot each other. But now it’s clear: they were getting ready for the second Civil War, and the nation is laughing at them no more.
According to a report, thousands of reenactors began descending on the site of Fort Sumter yesterday to get things started. Cannons were wheeled into position. Rifles were loaded. Muskets were musketed. Rebels and Union soldiers began shouting insults at each other, as they’ve practiced for years. The tension was high as everyone waited for the first shot of Civil War 2: The Sequel.
Unfortunately, Trump then tweeted, “Lol jk,” making the reenactors sad. They say their time will still come at some point in the future however, and when it does, they’ll be ready.