ORWATERO – In an effort to be the first city to recognize the new reality that much of the earth will soon be covered in water, Mayor Buddy Dyer has announced that Orlando, FL is changing its name to Orwatero.
“We have it on good authority from scientists that all of Florida will be underwater by the end of the century,” explained Mayor Dyer. “And while the ‘city beautiful’ has had a long and glorious history under the name Orlando, we feel it would be disingenuous to have a name with ‘land’ in the middle of it, when there is no dry land to be found within our municipal boundaries.”
Walt Disney World, Orwatero’s biggest attraction, has followed suit by announcing that the whole park will shortly be devoted to attractions tied to either The Little Mermaid, Finding Nemo, or certain parts of Moana. “Soon it will just be mermaids and sharks living in Orwatero,” explained Walt Disney World President Josh D’Amaro. “And they don’t want to be going on rides and attractions that appeal to the land-based customers we’ve been catering to for the last forty years.”
“It seems like a big change,” said longtime Orlando resident Harold Berger. “But if you think about it, we’ve had Sea World here since 1973. So it’s like that but more, I guess.”
Orwatero’s rebranding is already having a ripple effect, with other cities considering a name change in the new year: Oakland is considering changing its name to Oakwater, Cleveland to Clevedamp, and Baltimore to We’re Fucked.