Mike Pence Sad To Announce That Pride Month Is Canceled Due To Coronavirus

WASHINGTON, D.C.—A heartbroken Mike Pence has announced that Pride Month has been canceled over COVID-19 concerns.

“It is with a heavy heart that I announce that Pride Month will be canceled this year,” he said during yesterday’s White House coronavirus press briefing. “We tried really hard to make it work, but after reviewing the facts, it’s clear that Pride Month cannot go on. I wish you all could go have a gay old time this June, but instead, everyone will be forced to stay inside and be abstinent and completely straight.”

“Maybe next year.”

Pence said that obviously the parades and marches are a health hazard, “even more so than usual.” But he also said that companies changing their logos and Facebook pictures to rainbows could spread the coronavirus. “There just isn’t enough data yet for us to be sure,” he said. “So just to be safe, no rainbow logos this June. Sorry, everyone.”

He smiled while he gave the announcement, though he said it was a “smile of sadness.”

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