Asteroid set for near miss with moron-infested planet

Asteroid 2023 BU looks set to dramatically survive a near-miss with ‘Earth’, a planet well-known for carrying dangerously high levels of morons.

The planet will apparently come within 3,600 kilometres of the truck-sized asteroid, which is merely a hair’s breadth in cosmic terms.

Planetary expert Simon Williams explained, “It’s a lucky escape for asteroid 2023 BU, certainly. Planet Earth is home to literally the worst people in the entire universe.

“There is nowhere else in the entire universe where reality television is so voraciously absorbed by dim-witted sacks of organic matter.

“Even a minor collision could have seen it exposed to moronic entities such as Nadine Dorries, the people who believe Andrew Bridgen about anything, and GB News.

“You simply don’t recover from something like that, and once you’re exposed to the Earth you’re contaminated forever. Probably with a McDonald’s franchise.“The asteroid might be a lifeless rock of stone and ice hurtling through space at close to absolute zero, but that still makes it miles better than Basingstoke.”

Asteroid 2023 BU said it have never felt in any real danger, thanks to rigorous monitoring of planetary activity.

A spokesperson for the asteroid explained, “We’ve been monitoring Earth for a few months now, ever since we discovered the potential for a close near-miss.

“You don’t even have to touch the Earth these days as they’ve started extending their reach beyond the surface, which is hugely disappointing.

“But thankfully we look set to avoid all contact and can be on our merry way without so much as a cursory glance towards the human race.

“Which is nice.”