America, former land of the free and ex-home of the brave. A hush reportedly spread across the country Tuesday as another star fell from the American flag following a well-attended drag queen brunch. “So for our special today, we have a salmon Benedict, and as always, we have our signature bottomless mimosas,” a server in a Nashville, TN restaurant said as the mostly full brunch crowd’s modest enjoyment of several local drag queen performers caused thousands of bald eagles to shudder and die. “Can I start you folks off with some coffee? By the way, you are absolutely slaying in that dress.” According to reports, a child who told his parents he thought the drag queen brunch was fun caused the corpses of George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, and Abraham Lincoln to rise from their graves and run screaming into the ocean.