Squeezing stress balls not as effective as punching someone in the face, finds study

Sitting quietly and squeezing a foam rubber ball is not as effective a method of relieving stress as just smacking someone in the gob, a new study has found.

Stress balls are often found in high-pressure office environments to help staff work off unwanted nervous energy caused by irritating co-workers – but evidence suggests they’re even less effective than homeopathy.

“My boss is a pernickity little Hitler and I’ve been trying to burn off my rage and frustration at him by squeezing a squeaky penguin I got from a trade show years ago,” said sales executive Caroline Hutchins.

“No matter how much I used it I never felt any less stressed.

“But then I tried clocking him one firmly in the plums every time he annoyed me, and I instantly felt a lot better. It’s a miracle!”

Caroline now plans to market her discovery on the internet under the headline “Local girl cures stress with this one weird trick.”

Management across the country have expressed concern at the news.

“We’ve been fobbing people off with placebos for years,” said a spokesman for the CBI.

“Don’t tell us we’re going to have learn some new management techniques now.

“I’ve got an ‘undermining staff confidence’ seminar coming up next week and I don’t want to have wasted my money.

“Or to get whacked in the happy sacks, for that matter.”