Opinion: Listen up liberal! I’m scared and need to be held

This country is going to hell. Everyday there’s some new bullshit that threatens our American way of life, like Taylor Swift and books about the Holocaust. There used to be a time when I’d only rant on Facebook in my truck four times a week, now it seems like it’s becoming a daily occurrence. Our culture is freefalling into a woke hellscape and patriots like myself are up against insurmountable odds.

So listen up liberal, because you need to know that I am scared shitless and need to be held like a baby.

Unlike you crybaby snowflakes, no one I knew growing up had mental health issues. My mother never sheltered me from the horrors of the world, and thanks to her emotional neglect I have never truly processed my childhood trauma. Do you think you’ve got the balls to embrace me and let me open up about the death of my childhood friend?

Do you have any idea what it’s like waking up and wondering if this is the day women and minorities are going to treat me the way I treated them for decades? The breaking down of my white patriarchal norms has left me feeling more vulnerable than that time I went to Subway without my AR-15. I don’t even want a bangmaid for a partner anymore, I just want someone I can let myself feel vulnerable with. That’s how bad it’s gotten.

And don’t even get me started on how terrified I am of going into the city. The last time I went, I had to walk by a bunch of people living in tents and it forced me to realize that I’m just one missed paycheck away from joining them. I am begging you libtard, look me in the eye and tell me that income inequality can be solved by pulling oneself up by their bootstraps.

Just the other day I saw a trans woman on TikTok and realized I was attracted to them. That’s right, I’ve been forced to accept that gender and sexuality are not as black and white as I assumed and that we should love people for who they are. Facts don’t care about my confusing new feelings, so I need one of you leftist commie bastards to hug me right now!

I don’t want people thinking I’m some safe space loving pussy, but it would be nice if just for a moment someone with empathy could hold me and tell me things are going to be okay.