“Wenn Dänemark nicht verkaufen will, geht es auch anders”: USA finden Massenvernichtungswaffen in Grönland (“If Denmark does not want to sell, things are different”: US finds weapons of mass destruction in Greenland)

https://www.der-postillon.com/2019/08/groenland-massenvernichtungswaffen.html Washington (dpo) – Donald Trump is said to have expressed interest in buying the strategically…

Christian Movie Kinda Like Secular Movie But Without All The Cussing, Quality

https://babylonbee.com/news/christian-movie-kinda-like-secular-movie-but-without-the-cussing-quality U.S.—Reports from around the country indicated a popular Christian movie was really reminiscent of secular…

Postal Service Releases Stamp With Anus On It To See If Anyone Cares What’s On Stamps Anymore

https://www.theonion.com/postal-service-releases-stamp-with-anus-on-it-to-see-if-1837272403 WASHINGTON—In an effort to determine whether it should even bother trying anymore, the U.S. Postal…

Sauron Builds Wall To Prevent One From Simply Walking Into Mordor

https://babylonbee.com/news/sauron-builds-wall-to-prevent-people-from-simply-walking-into-mordor BARAD-DUR—Sauron has announced a new construction project for Mordor, which is an economic and military…

National Airborne Day is coming this week. Here’s how these paratroopers plan to celebrate

On Aug. 16, 1940, soldiers from the 29th Infantry Division conducted the first official U.S. military…

Army vet told to remove Puerto Rican flag from her home

https://www.armytimes.com/news/your-army/2019/08/14/army-vet-told-to-remove-puerto-rican-flag-from-her-home/ KISSIMMEE, Fla. — A Florida homeowners association says it’s against the rules for an Army…

PSYOPS officer reprimanded for providing realistic capability briefing

KABUL, Afghanistan – Onlookers were stunned today when Capt. Chad McCarthy, an officer with 4th Psychological…

Scholars: Promised Land Was Actually Flowing With Mac And Cheese From Chick-Fil-A

DEAD SEA—Scholars working in Israel have made discoveries that lead them to believe that the Promised…

Shooter Walks Free As Police Tackle, Arrest AR-15

https://babylonbee.com/news/shooter-walks-free-as-police-tackle-arrest-ar-15 LOS ANGELES, CA—There was an attempted shooting earlier today but luckily, the police were close…

Christ Calls Off Plans For Return After Realizing It’s Been So Long It’ll Be Weird Now

THE HEAVENS—Admitting He would not even know what to talk about with His followers after spending…

Report: You The Only One Who Really Knows What Happened To Jeffrey Epstein

YOUR LOCATION—Confirming that everyone else had gotten it totally wrong, experts issued a report Monday indicating…

Trump nominates Guy Fieri as Chairman of Joint Chefs

FLAVORTOWN — President Donald Trump officially nominated Guy Fieri to fill the new post of Chairman…