Bowing down before the floating intruder mere hours after it entered American airspace, the entire U.S.…
Tag: The Onion
Pope Francis Declares Nothing Wrong With Guy Giving Buddy Tug Job After Few Drinks
In a progressive step forward for the Catholic Church, Pope Francis declared Thursday that there was…
Florida Bans African American Studies Course
Florida is barring high school students from taking a new advanced placement course on African American…
Trump Condemns Courts For Forcing His Already Cash-Strapped Supporters To Pay $1.6 Million Tax Fraud Fine
Declaring the penalty extreme and unjust, Donald Trump condemned the New York courts Friday for forcing…
Congress’ Agenda For The Next Two Years
The 2022 midterms saw Republicans gain control of the House and the Democrats add one seat…
On Top Of Everything Else, Kevin McCarthy Wetting Bed Again
Sighing as he hid another pair of soiled pajamas deep in his hamper, Rep. Kevin McCarthy…
Incredibly Productive House Of Representatives Assembles For 8th Vote In Just 3 Days
Defying speculation that the 118th Congress would get little accomplished during its term, the incredibly productive…
Elon Musk Worried He Won’t Have Enough Twitter Employees Left To Fire On Christmas Eve
Expressing concern that he might have totally ruined the holiday season, Elon Musk reportedly worried Thursday…
Rising Conservative Star Just Guy Wearing Nazi Armband And Crying
A star who has experienced a meteoric rise in right-wing circles, 28-year-old conservative phenom Mason Finley…
Herschel Walker Scrambles To Collect Dozens Of Fetuses That Fell Out Of Pants Pocket
Crawling on his hands and knees in an attempt to scoop up as many as he…
Conservatives React To Ye’s Appearance On Infowars
After the renowned hip-hop artist praised Hitler and Nazis in an interview with Alex Jones, The Onion asked…
Herschel Walker Quietly Asking Around For D.C. Abortion Clinic Recommendations
In a display of confidence ahead of the Georgia Senate runoff, Republican candidate Herschel Walker has…