It’s ‘impossible’ for God to bless all the gay people that He created, insists Church

The Catholic Church is unable to bless same-sex unions it has insisted today, as it is ‘impossible’ for God to bless the millions of gay people he has created and continues to create every single day.

With news emerging this week that the Vatican has rejected the possibility of same-sex unions being blessed, despite a number of parishes recently looking at ways to welcome gay Catholics to the church, the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith has clarified their position today confirming that gay couples cannot be blessed by God, because he cannot ‘bless sin’, which he made, himself, apparently.

A heterosexual spokesperson and non-sinner for the CDF confirmed “We’re sorry, it’s just impossible, what can we do?

“Obviously God loves everyone that He created, doing so equally, and He really wants to help, but it’s just not possible for him to actually bless the union of two perfectly happy and very much in love gay people who He created, because that would be blessing a sin, which He made.

“Obviously people don’t choose to be gay, and are made that way by God, but it was decided that being gay is wrong and written in a book thousands of years ago so we’re kind of stuck with it really.

“We’re happy to bless other ‘sinners’ though if that’s any help? Because of our whole ‘say sorry and you’re instantly forgiven’ thing. So if any sinners would like to get married, just give us a shout. Murderers, thieves, paedos, politicians, any of them.

“Just not the gays, for some reason.”

Asked if being gay was such a sin, should God just stop making gay people we were told, “Well he doesn’t make them be ga.. hang on… well.. shut up.”

How do you feel about the church blessing the unions of every “sinner” but gays?