“Why did Meghan murder Prince Philip?” ask British tabloids

In the wake of The Duke of Edinburgh’s untimely death at the far too young age of 99, British tabloids are wondering how and why his granddaughter-in-law Meghan Markle murdered him.

“How did an extremely pregnant Meghan Markle get on a plane from Los Angeles to London in the middle of a pandemic, travel incognito to Windsor Castle and kill our beloved Prince?” asked The Daily Mail.

“Her choice to kill a man in the prime of his life shows people like her never belonged in the Royal Family to begin with,” said The Sun.

The rest of the tabloids were filled with speculations as to the method Markle used. Some believed she poisoned the man who was recently discharged from hospital looking like a zombie, while others figured she probably garroted him, since that would allow her to whisper ‘Harry says hello’ to him as he struggled for breath. But most assumed it was a drive-by shooting since “that is how her people usually do these things.”

Even Fox News got into the action by suggesting “a link” between Harry & Meghan’s Oprah interview and the Prince’s death. The network later clarified that by “link” they meant “Meghan killed him personally and in cold blood.”

British citizens reacted with shock to the news. “I know he was a bit of a cad who put his foot in his mouth from time to time,” said West Hampshire resident Keith Trueman in reference to Philip’s decades of racist comments. “But I still don’t think Meghan should have slit his throat from ear to ear like I read she did.”

Representatives for Markle declined comment, which the British tabloids assume is a not-so-subtle message that “The Queen is next.”