NASHVILLE, TN—Leaders from the United Methodist Church have announced a tentative plan to split the church…
Author: Primus Pilus (Løki)
Es gibt keine Gnade in diesem Dojo!
Iran Declines To Sign Colin Kaepernick After Reviewing Workout Video
TEHRAN—Colin Kaepernick sent his workout video to Iran after learning they may have recently opened up…
Ram Has Surpassed Silverado In Sales, Is Laughing At It, Can’t Get Enough Of This
My teenage nephew once asked me if I preferred Chevy trucks or Ford trucks, and I…
Motorola Razr returns with all of your middle school selfies pre-downloaded
CHICAGO, IL — Motorola recently announced the re-release of the once-ubiquitous Motorola Razr which will still be a…
Trump crosses ‘start WWIII’ off his New Year’s Resolutions list
WASHINGTON D.C. – Right after ordering the assassination of Iran’s General Suleimani a satisfied Donald Trump sat back and…
Trump Reminds Everyone He Hasn’t Been Impeached All Decade
WASHINGTON, D.C.—At a rally Friday, President Donald Trump reminded the crowd that he hasn’t been impeached…
Joel Osteen Criticized After Slapping Woman Who Tried To Quote Bible Verse To Him
HOUSTON, TX—Joel Osteen is being criticized after he slapped a woman who tried to quote a Bible…
Report: Internet Users Who Call For Attacking Other Countries Will Now Be Enlisted In The Military Automatically
U.S.—A new policy issued by the United States Department of Defense, in conjunction with online platforms…
82nd soldiers excited to paint rocks in Iraq for next few months
BAGHDAD, Iraq — Ohhhh snap, it’s on! Yeah, you heard right. IT. IS. ON! We all…
Trump upended three decades of U.S. strategy with North Korea, but the gamble has failed to pay off
President Trump’s decision to engage directly with Kim Jong Un was premised on the bet that…
Rocket attack at Baghdad airport kills Iraqi paramilitary members
At least five members of an Iraqi paramilitary group and two of their “guests” were killed…
DoD-wide audit calls bullshit on every Legion of Merit ever awarded
ARLINGTON, Va. – The Pentagon has released the results of an internal investigation into the Department…